Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
