look no pants
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
