My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
