what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
BRING THE BAGELS
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
