While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
