she was so not down for the gang bang
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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