I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
