I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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