Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
