Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
