yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
