Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
