If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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