ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
