And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
