nutella sex= disaster
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
