So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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