my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
