Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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