that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I need to stop coming to work sober
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
