Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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