He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
