how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
