so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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