she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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