So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
