At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
