So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
