you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
