I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
