He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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