I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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