She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
