I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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