Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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