Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
