she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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