even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
zippers are such a cool invention
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
