I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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