I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
