Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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