My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
