EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
