I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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