theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
