I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Randomize
