My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
