dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
