Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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