how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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