you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
