We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
