i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
