apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
