I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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